things they don't tell you...
I'll say what you're thinking on all things family, friends, food, fitness & fashion.
I know what you're thinking... this doesn't look lonely. And you're right. At this moment, as I attempt to capture the daily silliness, I am NOT lonely.
I am going back to my blogging roots today... back to where I got the title of this website. Sometimes I think I have a pretty good hold on life when I am slammed into a bout of anxiety.
So here is today’s Thing They Don’t Tell You: Motherhood is Lonely.
Let me begin by saying that I love being a mother. It comes pretty naturally to me. My daughter is really well behaved and pretty low maintenance as 14-month-olds go. I am a teacher so during the school year we are very busy and have little trouble filling our down time. The summer is a whole different ballgame. We keep busy walking, visiting friends and family, shopping farmer’s markets, and visiting local kid-friendly parks etc. But I often can’t help but feel what I now understand is loneliness.
Knowing what a difficult time I have been having lately, my mom sent me a really great post by another mom-blogger, Kristen over at whenathome.com. Kristen truthfully admitted, “Sometimes, I go to Target and walk around just to have interaction with people outside of my house.” I sooooo know this feeling. But to me, loneliness is more than just camaraderie.
For a while I found myself jealous of the groups of friends I would see on Facebook who would get together with a group of their other mom-friends. And on the other side of things, I was jealous when I'd see single or non-mom friends out having a blast doing things like going into the store without toting another human around or enjoying time in a restaurant.
My friends and family members who are reading this are probably thinking, “If you're lonely, call me!” but what I recently realized is this kind of loneliness isn't the kind that can be filled by others. It is the kind of loneliness that can filled by my own passions.
After having a baby, part of you goes into hiding. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time to be your mom-self and your you-self. If I dedicate too much time to me, I am taking away from being a good mother. But the reverse is true also. I can’t be my best self if I only concentrate on being my mom-self.
I struggled with this while working this past year. Between being a good mother, trying to get back into shape, working two jobs, being a [good] wife, keeping a home and not to mention the added stress of an ill family member, there was little time for my own passions.
I am working on many different aspects of my life. If you remember, I spent the winter working on financial obstacles. This will continue to be a daily goal but I also realize there are other parts of my life that need equally as much attention. Like, ahem, writing! Because I do feel lonely. Because I often enjoy it. Because it can be therapeutic. And simply because I have a lot to say.
I read somewhere that a blogger doesn't have to be an expert in anything- in fact, if they were, they probably would be doing that thing elsewhere. But a blogger must know a little about a lot of things. I live by this as I work my way through my writing hobby.
The bottom line: Remember who you were before having a baby and let her out! It is a struggle because it is so natural to give your whole self to your kids but taking care of ourselves and making time for others is important, and a big part of who many of us are.
I need a space. A space to call my own. Where I can write, stalk facebook or just escape for a little while. After all, Dan has created a space for himself in the basement (which he now shares with the baby) but I am looking for a little piece of my home where I can feel inspired and maybe even accomplish some of my writing goals.
Right now, I sit on the couch in my lovely living room [below]. But I do almost everything else in this room also. (Don't let the tidiness fool you, behind the long couch is a sea of baby toys and dog bones.) My inspiration room needs to be a place I go that belongs only to me, with the things that I find inspiring, where I can manifest my dreams and goals into reality.
The first problem with my living room being my writing HQ is that it is just too cozy and there are way too many distractions. Blankets, pillows, netflix, that adorable dog waiting patiently for a belly rub... I mean COME ON!
Side note: I am inspired by this book I am reading by Elin Hilderbrand called the "The Rumor." It takes place in Nantucket and is all about small town life and the spread of a nasty rumor. No offense, Elin, it isn't a great book but it is an easy, guilty pleasure kind of read.
Anyway, in "The Rumor", one of the main characters is an author who is suffering from writer's block. Using a publisher's advance to rents a $2000/month apartment away from her home to use as her office. Although I can't afford 2k a month for a writing apartment, I can utilize the little unused space in my home now.
So here is what I am working with. An underutilized nook above the stairs, next to the baby's room. It isn't much and is only about 7x7 but plenty big to add a desk. I'll refinish the hutch and clean it out/organize. Who knows, maybe I'll start today. I could use a little preoccupation.
I'd like a line of candles, maps of the cities I love, a shelf of my favorite books and I'd really really love a lilac plant because the smell makes me happy. I hear most don't do well inside because of their size but I am willing to try a dwarf plant in a terracotta pot.
So that is it for today, I hope that my desire to find a place to call my own might inspire you also. I'll look forward to eventually updating you on the progress I have made.
Thanks for reading!
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About the Author
I am Dom. A mom, teacher, novice writer, cook, wine drinker, and so much more- filling the internet with unsolicited stories, questions, dreams, recipes, and advice. I'll be the voice that tells you what everyone is wondering but no one wants to ask!